LET’S TALK: FEMINISM

I’ve always wanted to write about this, my favorite topic: feminism!

I didn’t do so, because I felt it was a “long and heavily emotional” subject to discuss (for me)!
I like to put a little bit of humor and lightness in all my posts and really don’t like to be “preachy” and all!  I didn’t know how to sensitively approach it from a personal level!

But then Voldemort happened (aka neo-Hitler aka Trump aka grab pussy), and I realized that, OK, I may not be Harry Potter, not even Neville Longbottom, but I just happen to have a blog, so why not? I was still hesitating when the women’s march happened and I was like this is it!! Start typing!

I unofficially became a feminist the day I found out that I couldn’t whistle because apparently, a girl doesn’t whistle (This is a culture thing)! Well, the kid that I was, asked what would happen if I did! Would death ensure?
<Of course not, but it’s not appropriate for a girl to whistle! Just don’t whistle!> replied the familiar female voice that I don’t remember (must have been an aunt or a cousin)!
I nodded in agreement but the quiet rebel that I am, unconsciously, without realizing, started to whistle to every song that came on the radio to the point where my dad super annoyed had to ask if I really had to whistle while eating!

I didn’t know that was the beginning of the world’s super long list of other “no you can’t, well, because you’re a woman” things that I shouldn’t dream of doing!
A list that didn’t bother me very much while I was still young, but then I grew up and realized that my dream life and aspirations were really on the edge of what was socially acceptable for a “perfect and nice” lady!

Because you see, you can have big dreams (BUT make sure that none of them become bigger than your desire to get married; have kids; becoming a calm and a quite good wife); you can have ambitions ( BUT make sure to lower them so you don’t intimidate those men ( big kids) around you and also in the process, learn to betray yourself by putting your husband’s ambitions before yours); you can express yourself and be assertive ( BUT make sure to learn the sign language, because once you start voicing your opinion, you’ll be labeled as “the crazy angry bitch” and become a sadomasochist fantasy); you can have sex ( what am I saying? OF course, no, you can’t!! BUT men are allowed to have sex! Lots of it.  With themselves? That is the question)!

“We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, you can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful. Otherwise, you would threaten the man. Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same? We raise girls to see each other as competitors not for jobs or accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are.” Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (We should all be feminist)

I could write about this till tomorrow, but it is nothing new for many of us! What is new, is the countless women re-waking up , standing for themselves and saying as Elizabeth Gilbert (Author of EAT PRAY LOVE)  nicely put it in her latest facebook post: < I’ve had enough of this shit! > And we all know even gravity got nothing on a woman determined to rise!

< It is not enough to ask men to become more peaceful; women must become MORE FIRM.
Men have to find their hearts, yes — but women have to find their SPINES.
This is not about men becoming emasculated, or women becoming shrill; it’s about re-balancing a poisoned world through a combination of men’s righteous peace and women’s righteous anger…such that we can all meet in the middle, on the common ground of basic decency and grace for all> Elizabeth Gilbert

Yes, the sacred divine feminine is rising again, but this time it doesn’t have to end up with wise, articulate women burnt at the stake( During the inquisition witch-hunt period, just being a “literate” woman was enough to label you as a “witch” and get tortured and burned alive) or the bible being “adjusted” to fit the masculine ego and political ambitions (During the Nicae  council, under the roman emperor Constantine, gospels written by female disciples ( noticeably Mary Magdala, who earned a “whore” status in the bible), or mentioning the powerful role of a woman was unceremoniously dismissed)!
It is a rise of justice and balance to the feminine power.

I know a lot of women who are afraid of admitting to themselves that they are feminists, because the patriarchal voice( father, brother, husband) in their head is convincing them that feminism is here to dominate and destroy every male alive, so it shows them all the things that could possibly go wrong!!

Feminism is being able to say to yourself that you are fully and wholly complete as a woman (yes you are)! If you want, you’ll get married; if you don’t want to, you won’t have to!
You can have a man in your life, but, no, you’re not gonna die if you don’t have a man, no you’re not gonna fail!!
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie expresses this ‘’sexist’’ structure, more clearly than I can:

‘’A woman at a certain age who is unmarried, our society teaches her to see it as a deep personal failure. And a man, after a certain age isn’t married, we just think he hasn’t come around to making his pick.”(From the book We should all be feminist”)
If you don’t believe me/her, look at all the challenges that you’ve overcame and all the things you’ve accomplished so far! Did a surgeon came while you were sleeping and implanted a “male” brain in your head, so you could get that degree? Trust me; you got all the resources you need!

I have a friend that was so scared of ending alone that she confessed she preferred her husband having an official mistress than living alone! Of course, I didn’t say anything; I didn’t preach that she was as powerful as he was, I was still digesting everything! Well, after 3 years of “unhappy” marriage, she finally said : < Fuck this shit! > And left her husband to pursue a master degree! And guys, this happened in Africa, not in the West! Yay!!

Now we know that all the naysayers will be videotaping her post- marriage life to report every challenge and mistake that she is going to have as a consequence of her leaving her husband: < Look, she can’t even decide between a tuna sandwich and a burger! Man, if her husband had been there!>, but we know those people right? None of them is God, so end of story!

As Caitlin Moran said it in her humorous must-read book (How to be a woman), being a feminist woman is simple as this: Put your hand in your pants.
a) Do you have a vagina? And
b) Do you want to be in charge of it?
If you said ‘yes’ to both, then congratulations! You’re a feminist.”

We all have many reasons why we decide to have sex or remain virgins until marriage and I’ll just say that being a feminist ( whether you’re sexually active or not) is to accept the fact that your Virginia is YOURS before being anyone’s else! No, it doesn’t belong to your husband, and if that’s the case, pay attention to who’s going to bleed on your next periods! Text me when he does!!

Or as Maya Angelou calmly put it: “I’m a feminist. I’ve been a female for a long time now. It’d be stupid not to be on my own side.”

No, feminism doesn’t mean that you have to leave your boyfriend/husband for an isolated island (but if you really want to do it, then by all means feel free to do it), it just means you don’t have to feel like he has adopted you in the relationship, you have equal rights in the building and management of your relationship! No one is subordinate to the other! The only time you should allow him to have power over you is if only at the same time you’re having power over him!

Being a feminist doesn’t mean that you hate and are against all men!! I am against the patriarchy system, where some men feel that it is their right to eat, pray and grab pussy wherever and whenever they want to!  A system where the “she” and “it” pronoun can easily be confused! A system where women get paid much less than men for the same job! And so on… I’m against that system not men!

“Masculinity is a hard, small cage, and we put boys inside this cage.” Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (We should all be feminist)
“I’m neither ‘pro-women’ nor ‘anti-men’. I’m just ‘Thumbs up for the six billion” Caitlin Moran (How to be a woman)

< Btw, this post is getting long- Sip tea- I’m all fired up- Sip Sip- Where are the brakes- Sip Sip > 

Now, to gracefully end this 4 page post:

  • I’m a feminist because I can’t just ignore the fights and the struggles that countless women before me went through, so that I could become a strong educated woman.
  • I’m a feminist because I realize that there still is a super long way ahead, and that unfortunately the rights I have now could tragically disappear tomorrow!
  • I’m a feminist because women’s rights are human rights!

feminist

 

 

Please do share and comment if you think this was beneficial to you
XoXo

Christella Bijou

 

6
8 Responses
  • BeingDuchesse
    January 30, 2017

    I loved how you still managed to joke abiut things here and there.
    Very well written

  • christelle
    February 2, 2017

    I super appreciate! Thank you for taking time to read and comment!♥

  • Ange
    February 19, 2017

    i became feminist the day they told me i can’t whistle !!sorry for taking longer to discover your awesomeness 🌺🍂💐

  • christelle
    February 19, 2017

    Thank you Ange ♥! I’m pretty sure you’re awesome too 🙂

  • antonio
    February 21, 2017

    well done christelle
    u make me feel proud to be a girl.

  • christelle
    February 22, 2017

    Thanks for reading Antonio
    Xoxo ♥♥♥

  • Onyi Moss
    March 24, 2017

    This was such a well written piece. I did laugh a lot thanks to your humour. It’s a shame that these issues still exist in our society today. Now even more than ever, it pleases me to see feminists speaking up. I hear you loud and clear ♥️

    http://www.mosdonyi.com

  • christelle
    April 9, 2017

    Oh, it deeply moves me to hear that! Few of us dare to speak up and it is always a pleasure to meet another woman that understands and support.
    You’ve been quite an angel in my life, leaving pieces of light here and there…
    Thank you!!

    Love from Kigali ♥♥♥

What do you think?

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *